Côte d’Azur (french riviera)

Nice

As recommended by most, Nice was the base during our vacation. Navigating the city was fairly easy, overall. Bakeries, bus stops, and markets were plenty and easily accessible. More time was spent in Nice than originally planned because we ended up splitting our days into two: the first half was used to explore another village and the second half was taken in Nice. Somehow, the trip felt like it lasted so much longer by doing this! Most of the time, we’d take a nap midday to recharge for a dip in the ocean.

If you’ve learned you’re not entirely big on French food, no problem! I came across a variety of cuisines while exploring. I’m not sure if the south of France is known for a specific style of food (I could’ve done better research) but we definitely tried different things at each restaurant we chose. I would recommend learning basic food names and known allergies before visiting to make life a little easier.

There were no shortages of souvenir, gift, and chocolate shops! On one of our evenings closer to the end of the trip, we did some shopping for our family and then went to the beach (there was NO way we’d hike all the way back to the Airbnb). We had our stuff covered while enjoying the warm water though I never suspected someone would come over to take our goods; I’m just used to hiding my belongings in public.

Villefranche-sur-Mer

On the first full day, we went to Villefranche-sur-Mer (VsM). The area we visited was walkable though some of the sidewalks were fairly narrow. The only reason I noticed was because I had a 10-year-old to look after who kept stepping in the street 🙂 Quiet yet active is how I would describe VsM. Some people were enjoying the water not too far from the marina. I saw a variety of water activities like swimming, snorkeling, and paddle boarding. Ohhh, how I wish we bought our bathing suits! While meandering about, we came across the citadel and checked out a display of beautifully blown glass. I recommend going to the top if you haven’t succumbed to fatigue because you’ll get a lovely panoramic view and it’s worth it!

Gelato and time in the shade was how we cooled down after getting cooked in the sun. It was consumed in a matter of seconds. We did return to VsM after a couple days because our speedboat tour had this town as a pitstop and we spent our free time grabbing brekkie by the water.

Antibes

From the station, we took a 20-minute walk down to the beach. Front and center on the beach is a historic monument called Le Fort Carré. Public bathrooms can be found built into the walls… and I’ll tell you this… I won’t complain about another public restroom in North Carolina again. And that’s all I shall share. We picked our spot in the sand and got settled. It seemed generally acceptable to be at the beach topless (no matter what beach we went to during our trip). It’s something my little brother had to get used to and I really hoped this experience helped to combat the sexualization of women’s bodies, that is bombarded all over the media.

Another thing I noticed was most beaches we visited were of stone but this one was sand! Well… Kind of half-and-half: where the towels were laid out on the beach, there is sand but as you approach and enter the water, there is stone. I’m so glad we had water shoes! The water felt amazing and it was calm! Nasir turned into a fish and it seemed he didn’t want to leave.

After a while, something unfortunate happened. Someone was walking their dog at the top of the fortress, and the dog stepped up on the edge and fell over. I only saw the aftermath: the dog was whimpering on his side struggling to get up. I was in shock. It was sad to see, but I think the dog survived with a few injuries. Locals took him over to a first aid booth nearby.

When we were ready to leave, we went to Les Filles du Micocoulier for brekkie. Nasir seemed to like his breakfast, but I was not happy with mine. In fact, I wasn’t happy with most of my meals because they lacked flavor.

We took many photos, walked around the area, and came across the Marché Provençal. I highly recommend coming here early to avoid crowds because it was a little overwhelming; there was so much to see and an equal amount of people present.

Èze

We first saw the commune of Èze during our speedboat tour. It’s a small village that sits on top of a hill over 2000 feet above sea level. Fairytales were inspired by places like this one – I’m convinced. The place was mesmerizing! I will say make sure to pack multiple bottles of water and go early in the day because walking around this area is quite the workout and it’s even more intense if you go during the summertime like we did. It’s also highly recommended to go earlier to get photos without the background noise. Our first stop was to get food! Nasir ordered a large burger with fries and ate everything and I had a banana crêpe with Nutella. We also watched some of the Olympics while we were there and we took our time because we knew we’d be working out! This place was mainly a photo opp. I actually recommend coming here for souvenirs over Nice because the crafts were of higher quality and didn’t wreak of mass production.

Monaco

Such a beautiful place to simply walk around. Everywhere I turned, I found myself in awe of the cityscape. Our first stop was the Prince’s Palace. They gave us headphones and something of a radio where you could select a button and it would give you information on the corresponding room. Though, I found the experience somewhat interesting. I don’t recommend bringing kids unless they are thrilled about history and architecture. Even then, the excitement is likely to dwindle prematurely. After leaving, we went to the restaurant nearby and got lunch for Nasir. This is also where I got bit multiple times by mosquitoes and chased by bees. The food was amazing (the best I had during the trip!) but I suffered. We continued on foot towards the oceanographic museum. This place had so much to offer! You need at least two hours to take everything in. Before leaving Monaco, we had our last dance with gelato.


a video

sink and float

written June of 2022

this is the part where…

… i begin to question your love for me

… i read into certain actions, comments, and inflections

… reassurance is crucial for our survival

… i begin to see things that remind me of past hurts

… i worry if we’re sustainable for the long term

… i wonder if i’m suitable for long term relationships as a healthy partner

… i allow myself to withdraw

… I spill all my worries; you take my face in your hands and kiss my forehead

This is the part where you say “I understand. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”


Perhaps, I don’t need to tell you how easy it is to sink. All you need to do is be still… become heavy and you’ll watch the world above you move farther and farther away. Perhaps, I don’t need to tell you how easy it is to be overcome by dark water, noise and the unknown. You may know what that’s like all too well. Do you sit at the bottom of the ocean floor and feel the weight of your world compressing you? If you do, you know not to stay too long… if you can help it. I think we sink for a reason. I need to be able to sit with ALL of who I am… and I do. It’s not always comfortable. There’s beauty in madness and art in chaos. I’ll sink, sit and acknowledge but when it’s time again… I’ll push up toward the surface and inhale a cleansing breath, until my lungs can no longer expand. As I release, I’ll push my bosom to the sky and float. I’ll observe the elegance unfolding in the heavens and reflect.

A Matter of Perspective

This isn’t going to be easy. Per usual, I’m not sure how to start this out – so forgive me if my thoughts seem scattered. I truly wish things were different, and I know you did too.

But first and foremost

I want to thank you for the friendship you offered. You created a space for me to be my raw, authentic self. A space that allowed me to see parts of myself I wasn’t pleased with. This friendship helped me grow through our bickering, self-reflections, mutual silence and organic conversation. Sometimes… one of us would listen while the other explored their thoughts out loud… what a healthy thing to do, indeed. Everyone needs a soundboard that takes them deeper into themselves, for clarity.

Second

Speaking of soundboards… you know how they have that echo? The same one over again until it fades? There was one theme in our friendship that echoed persistently… to our detriment. I can’t fault it. I can’t fault you. In fact, I was okay with this echo… at a low decibel. I’ve always been aware of it. But some echoes, no matter what, will demand greater acknowledgement or even reciprocation. It may grow deeper, fuller and louder. Love can be demanding. I’ve always been aware of your echo.

Third

It pains me to know what it is that you need and not being able to give this to you. I’ve mentioned before that I’d take it all away… you countered that with “why not just feel the same?”… and my heart broke for you. I’d rather remove your feelings toward me so that they could be used on someone else. Someone meant for you. I do not believe that is me.

Fourth

“Just don’t ask me why”. And then you ask. Dismay. I still won’t answer. What if my answer isn’t enough? Or even worse, what if it hurts you? What if I don’t have an answer?

I know you disagree, but I call what you’ve been through “suffering”. This whole thing has had a degree of suffering attached. It’s a leach. It took the life force of our friendship. It stripped everything away and left me bare – without our safe place.

 

The uglier part of me wants to be angry at you for wanting to love me in the way that you need to show love… and not in the way that I need you to give it. A part of me feels abandoned… though, mostly sadness… loss.

I apologize if this sounds selfish… I only want to share a small piece of my perspective.

I want to send this to you, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I’d hate to… stir anything up… especially if you’re settled. So… I’ll send this out into the void for now, along with peace, calm and fullness of life.

All in a Rose

All in a Rose

I awakened and noticed a rose beside me

“How lovely…

and unfortunate, this unrequited passion”

Nevertheless

The gesture warmed my heart

I looked closer and realize something was amiss

For the Rose was incomplete without its thorns and leaves… it’s thorns

No doubt, they were removed with care and caution in mind.

But it’s deeper than that.

See I am the rose you laid beside me

Those thorns are undesirable to you

So you removed them

To make me -I mean the rose- more favorable

The thorns are my voice, my independence, my unyielding nature, my point of view,

All bring discomfort and unease to you

So what’s a man like you to do

A man with an unchallenged ego

A man wounded by the “inferior sex”

Remove all threats and pluck her thorns

•••

And then there was you

A day before and out the blue

A rose was given to me

The way a rose is supposed to be

Foreshadowing

The electric current reviving in me IMG_5433 (Edited)