– transcribed from a recording taken after the experience, while sitting in the car –

Last Wednesday’s Event

It was about a week ago, I was sitting on my couch and I had my arm resting on top of my sectional. One of my cats, Mia, was sitting to the left of me and she looked like she wanted to jump up but something was stopping her. For some reason, I felt annoyed that she wouldn’t just do it. I said “Mia, Jump! What’s stopping you?’ and I gave her a little nudge. She jumped up but her rear feet scratched my arm a little bit and it *h u r t*. I was upset. Out of frustration, I gave her a push *nervous laugh* I didn’t mean to do that. I shouldn’t have done that. Understandably, she didn’t want to fall off the sofa, so she used her strength to stay on. Her back right foot scratched the heck out of my left index finger and it *b u r n e d*. I sat there as my frustrations dissolved — distracted by the pain in my finger. I looked at Mia and I said “I’m so sorry… You didn’t wanna jump and I made you jump.  I shouldn’t have pushed you, I’m sorry. It’s my fault that I’m bleeding.”.

Flesh

I watched the skin. I saw the cut from the top left of my finger, to the bottom right and it just burned. I could feel the blood beginning to pool to the center of the wound. In that moment, I sat there with it because I  hadn’t bled in so long. I hadn’t had a wound… paper cuts is usually as exciting as it gets for me. I haven’t fallen and scratched a knee in years and I’ve never broken a bone. My last injury where blood was present, was my freshman year of college. So with this, I sat with it… because it reminded me just how fragile I was… I am. Flesh is so delicate. I realize I move through life without acknowledging the extent of my mortality, until today.

The Close Call

During my lunch break, I decided to go fill up on some gas because I had 12 miles left in my tank. I went to Great Stops. On my way back to the office, I took O’Henry. I waited in my turning lane and to my left I saw this huge truck that moved into its right turning lane but continued straight. It continued straight where it wasn’t suppose to continue straight. There were diagonal lines in the lane in which he drove. His truck was coming straight towards me. I thought “Oh shit… he’s about to hit me.” This huge 18-wheeler on O’Henry Blvd., also known as “Death Valley” was about to hit my 2-door… and it was by the grace of God that I was able to act. I quickly shifted my car into reversed and I hit the gas and I was able to move out of its way. He didn’t honk at me… I think he knew he was in the wrong. His truck was sooo close to my car as he passed.

Definitely Destructible

If we made impact, the front of his truck would have hit me directly: on the driver’s side. Lord knows if I would have survived it. Everyone ignores the speed limit on O’Henry. In fact, people drive so fast there that I’d say it’s unsafe to do the speed limit. In that moment, I realized again my mortality is so real — not that I believed otherwise… But I’m not consistently reminded that I’m only here for a moment. That my body is not titanium… It is not made of diamonds.

I am physically destructible. I am a bubble, easily popped. We all are.

And I’m thankful that the worse didn’t happen.