• Unload your worst thoughts about them and call it transparency
• Withhold affection
• Ignore them
• Undermine their intelligence
• Take their depth for granted
• Stop getting to know them – you know enough already
• Criticize their playfulness
• Over explain the most simple thoughts
• Refuse mental contribution
• Rest in the bare minimum
• Know nothing of selflessness
• Change the meaning of previous statements often
• Admit to being selfish without change
• Imagine the worst of your beloved
• Assume things of your beloved without seeking their input
• Avoid tough conversations
• Unapologetically cross their boundaries
• Reap and deplete without sowing a seed
• Ignore huge parts of what makes them who they are

Signs and symptoms may include:

• Decreased vulnerability
• Lack of closeness
• Perceived indifference from you
• Overthinking
• Internal spiraling
• Pessimistic view towards the relationship
• Withholding feelings
• Bracing for the end
• Missing their partner, even though they’re physically present
• Mental and emotional exhaustion
• Shorter or silent phone calls
• Surface level conversations
• Anticipating the worst
• Unusually seeking affirmation due to waned confidence
• Doubt

If you notice these in yourself or your loved one, the security, trust and joy of being together has reached its sunset. The emotional damage may be irreparable between the two. However, if you’ve made vows or if you’ve witnessed a glimpse of hope, you may consider the following…

How to soften your beloved:

• Take notice of the small things they do for you
• Learn and practice their ways of love
• Pay attention and be fluent in their body language
• Consider and respect their autonomy
• Be gently honest – always
• Consider the impact of your actions/words on them
• Strive to become their peace again
• Plan an intricate surprise
• Express gratitude for their presence in your life
• Be so self-aware that callouts won’t feel like an attack; know yourself
• Know that you and your beloved were created in the image of God
• Remind yourself, the world is broken and there will always be pain in this lifetime
• Realize that you’re deeply flawed and are in need of a savior in order to dwell with the Creator
• Accept Jesus as Lord of your heart and mind; the Savior of your soul who laid His life down to restore humanity back to God.
• Let your walk with Him transform your heart and renew your mind
• Share your faith and the impact it’s had on who you are with your beloved
• Realize you never had a full understanding of what love was until you accepted His
• Love your beloved selflessly and witness change